Four years of....

....marriage. I can't say four years of bliss, because if you are married you would immediately call me out on my bluff. And if you are not married, but hoping you someday you will be, you can't say nobody told you how it really is, because marriage, at least from my most likely flawed perspective, is some of the following: realizing the deepest ugly parts of your heart that you didn't even know existed...and they will reveal themselves in due time. Realizing that hey, you really are a self-centered being that wants things to be or go a certain way, and when you add another person to your neat little mix who has his/her own ideas of how things should be or go, whell! That's just rude. Learning that the ways you want your spouse to show love to you may not be the way your spouse shows love. Learning how your beloved expresses love so that when your perfect pair expresses his or herself, you can see it, receive it and appreciate it. Learning to express your own love to your loved one in a way the he or she receives love, while still holding true to yourself and expressing yourself naturally. How about a mix of both, I say? Staring at dirty underwear rumpled on the floor and choosing to turn your flared nostrils the other way and not take offense...or sometimes even put your cute little ole' self aside and stoop low to pick up said dirty underwear off the floor, and maybe even wash it, dry it, fold it, and put it back neatly in your beloved's drawer, all the while knowing you will probably see it dirty and rumpled on the floor again. Learning that you really, really have no idea how to c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e what you feel and think in a way that is not offensive or taken totally differently than what you really think and feel. Sigh.
Despair not unmarried ones! There is another quality to marriage that you can also not say no one told you about: The fact that you are loved. The belief that no matter what, through thick and thin, opting out is not an option. As hard as it is to haggle out your differences, at the end of the day, and even sometimes late into the night, you are forgiven and still loved. There are still arms that want to hold you. There are still eyes that enjoy seeing you. There is still a heart that skips a beat when thinking of you.

Jason. I. Love. You. Plain and simple. Thank you for sharing these past four years with me. Our marriage is a tapestry. Some of the threads are hard to push through, but it is the brightly colored ones, the ones that have taken care, skill and a lot of love that make the final picture a beautiful one. Happy anniversary!